im probably the best blogger out of my hometown

they should invent hair that is always on day 1 post-wash no matter what

Kind of a Reddit AITA post but sometimes it is a little funny to fuck with people in ways that deliberately conform to a stereotype of what they must think of you. the other day I was talking to my friend and I randomly said that I wanted a pet chimpanzee. I'd dress it in person clothes (dungarees and hats) and I'd teach it to love science fiction. And this girl nearby was like "you know how dangerous those things are, right? Also how unethical it is to keep an ape as your pet for your own amusement" and I was already seeing where the conversation was going so I was pretending ignorance like "yea but it wouldn't just be for my amusement. It would have practical points too." And she ignored that statement entirely to say "Well chimpanzees can rip faces off" and I was like. What's the most frustrating thing I can say now. Finally settled on "Mine wouldn't do that though." and you could tell she wanted to hurt me very very badly. Like a chimpanzee would if I had one as a pet

if u american hozier fans like butchered tongue may i direct your attention to

Scottish independence vote yes campaign slogan idea

Irish independence vote yes campaign slogan idea

Welsh independence vote yes campaign slogan idea

[ID: A photo of a van door, open so the text is cropped, reading: England Removal /End ID]

i love when people get up in arms about kink as like a "new perverted phenomenon" bc of their boogeyman obsession with porn. brother gay people have been slapping each other and pretending to be dogs while we fuck since the dawn of time. you're only just finding out now bc your hole is largely unremarkable and your manner unbecoming

My buddy lives in China so when the sun is setting for him, it’s rising for me. So, naturally, I sent him this

[ID: A photo of a huge brown teddy bear (with a small head) with white and black text that says: "God said it's my turn with the sun" /end ID]

bro doesnt even have the jennies (certain je ne sais quois)

it’s so scary that fish teeth sometimes look like people teeth. you’re not supposed to have that. well maybe piranhas are scared of us having piranha teeth. i will reflect on my human centric worldview (folds my hands behind my back and gazes out at the horizon)